Well, I’m not talking so much about quality here, at least not as much as I’m talking about simple facts. (No offense intended Sir Charles.) Let me explain.
“Heather Hamilton is a Staffing Manager, Microsoft Employee Evangelist, Quasi-Marketer and Truth-Teller.” That is what it says on her One Louder blog. I love that description, and I like the name of her blog. I’ve never met her personally, but have been following her blog for at least a few weeks now. She usually posts things that I find valuable and things that I want to read. If you’re looking for a job or you are a hiring manager, I recommend subscribing.
Today she posted about some leadership and role model things. It wasn’t really that heavy, in concept. And, I think I get her point. But, I disagree about something in there, and I think it is a struggle for me and for others who deal with asking for advice, and giving advice.
I struggle with defining or not defining ourselves as role models.
At a point where we are influencing others, and they pay attention to us, I think we become role models, regardless of our intentions or our desires. After that happens, I don’t think we have that much choice in the matter. In essence, Charles Barkley could not be more wrong when he said that he is not a role model. That quote is nothing new. For many years he has influenced others and they have paid attention to him. That’s just the way it is.
So, I don’t really think it’s ok to try to brush off the comments that people make in that regard. I understand trying to be humble. And, I understand trying to give others around us praise for how those other people have influenced us, or may have done more of the work. It’s totally appropriate to give credit, where credit is due. That’s all fine and it works much of the time. I just think it works even better to accept it and say thank you, and then also to give praise to others. Does that make sense? I think that like anything, this has its timing and its moments, and I don’t really intend to criticize Heather here. If anything, I’m totally ripping on Charles Barkley. Maybe some offense was intended. He has been a total dork at times.
I think perception is reality. If I fight it, I get tired. If I embrace it, I flourish.
(NOTE: Embrace does not necessarily equal agree with.)
I think it can be that simple. And, I think that Heather may be more of a role model than she wants to be. Kudos. I think she’s doing a fine job.
P.S. Heather, if you never mentioned Charles Barkley, I never would have commented. You baited me! I kind of didn’t feel comfortable feeling like I admired your work and writing, and then comparing it to him. 
He’s not one of my favorites.
Filed under: Leadership, Life, Listening, Perspective, Writing
No worries, I don’t take it as criticism and I enjoy the conversation. I always kind of liked his style even if I disagreed with a lot of his views on things. You know, this is what I get for having a writing style where I speed through posts without going very deep into some of the things I say. The role model thing could definitely be a post in and of iteself.
So I am not backing down from what I said but I guess that I could clarify in saying that I think it’s a matter of degrees. “Role model”….ugh. Sounds scary. Sounds like someone is going to blame me if someone else does something that I did and it doesn’t turn out well.
This is where the internet is a strange thing. Someone like Barkley should expect to be admired and to collect a big paycheck, it’s all part of the deal and there were people that came before him so he was warned. For a C-list blogger like me (I just decided I’m C-list…I have no idea but I know I am not A-list) in the staffing industry, there wasn’t really that much warning that people would even read my blog. I’m not complaining that people are reading…I’m tickled that anyone even cares to. I guess if you put yourself out there at all, you can expect that some people might admire you in some way. I just think that “role model” might be too strong a way to phrase it. Most of my life is perfectly ordinary. I swear! And I don’t collect the Barkley-type paycheck.
I like Charles Barkley, I think he has good intentions and has made some very important cultural observations. I do not always agree with him, in fact, he and I see the world differently.
There is no doubt that people pay attention to and are influenced by Barkley and other professional athletes or public figures. That alone does not make them a role model. In his book, I May Be Wrong but I Doubt It, Charles admits he is in fact a role model. He is a role model to his children because through his example solidified by everyday experiences and interactions they learn from him what appropriate behavior is. He also admits that he is a role model to many more individuals, young people he has met and maintained a mentoring relationship with.
His point, the point that people are missing on the role model controversy, is that he can’t possibly be a role model to millions of kids he has never met. Public figures can’t parent a child they don’t know. The Nike commercial was identified by Dan Quayle, former Vice President of the United States, as a “family values message”. In other words, parents need to be the role models of their children, not Eminem or Michael Jordan. I do not think Charles’ motive was to deflect his responsibility to the youth of America. He made a statement about the condition of our culture and the tendency for people to put pressure on professional athletes to be model citizens and raise other people’s children.
Jeff~ With all due respect, the exact point I am making is this. “Individuals decide who their role models are. Role models do not get to decide who they get to be role models to.”
That is distinctly different than being a parent. I value the role of parents to a HUGE extent. No other individuals can outplay that role. However, Barkley (along with anyone else in a public light) is, in fact a role model, regardless of he or she wanting it or any other factors.
Yes, Barkley may actively participate in mentoring and have all sorts of other involvements. I applaud that. I am not attacking him. I am trying to make a clear point.
It is not possible for a role model to just turn off their own role model-ness for others. Nobody should be raising other people’s children. That’s all about personal responsibility and accountability. That’s fair and ok. However, regardless of what you or I think, individuals decide who their role models are. Role models do not get to decide who they get to be role models to. (They may be able to influence it, but the choice for who we decide to look up to and have as a role model is exclusively our own, personal choice.)
Charles Barkley is spot on when he says parents and community leaders should be role models, not pro athletes.
Unfortunately, did not consider my parents role models. Some scout masters were role models, others not. Some teachers were role models, such as Arthur F. (Babe) Allen the Phys Ed teacher and coach at Bulkeley High.
As a caddy growing up, my best role models were some professional golfers and caddy masters, later on Ted Williams.
Thanks for the comment T.J.
“Individuals decide who their role models are. Role models do not get to decide who they get to be role models to.”
That was my comment in response to some other comments above yours. You validated it by your response.
Charles Barkley is definitely a role model. He’s in the hall of fame. Regardless of you or I wanting it or not wanting it, he is a role model becuase people do look up to him. That’s just the way life works.