I am totally convinced that expert listening is one of the greatest traits found in all quality leaders. Listening has been one of my weakest skills or characteristics over the years. It’s one thing that I don’t think can be too good or can be over-used. Good listening does not just mean being quiet. It entails involvement, wisdom, observation, tact, humility, selflessness, self-control, timing, discernment… and I’m sure the list could go on for a while.
Hopefully, I can get better at listening. And hopefully, it can help me to become a better leader.
In a recent post from 43 Folders, Merlin Mann makes an excellent contribution towards this. The post is called Tips on becoming a better listener, and I’m quoting some of it here. There are other references in the quote that are also good sources for more info.
In working to improve this socially-crippling liability, in general — to hear what people are really saying rather than just using the down time to formulate a pseudo-clever response — I’ve begun skimming the web for advice. I have these sites and tips to share with you so far, so listen up!
From Becoming a Better Listener:
- Genuinely interested: A successful listener is genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. If you don’t have time at the moment, offer to talk with the individual later…
- Silence: Become comfortable with silence in a helping relationship. Pauses can create valuable reflection time for the other person…
- Nonverbal messages: Be sure your nonverbal messages are congruent with your verbal ones. Unless cultural differences dictate otherwise, offer direct eye contact while the individual is talking. It helps establish trust and communicates interest. Leaning forward is also interpreted as an expression of concern and interest.
From The Top 10 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener:
Tune out distractions.
Poor listeners are distracted by interruptions; good listeners tune them out and focus on the speaker and the message. It’s a discipline that lends itself to specific techniques for maintaining one’s focus.
From BookRags: How to Be a Better Listener Article:
- Responses — When asked, answer questions in complete sentences…
- Repetition — Repeat specific comments said by the person with whom you are conversing or listening…
- Gentility — Be kind. People appear to be good listeners when they want to listen to others. If you look like you’re listening “just because,” then your listening skills will appear less than perfect.
From How can you listen better? – workopolis.com:
Do you listen for their intent? New York Yankees manager Joe Torre once observed that he never just looks at what his players say when they’re quoted in the newspaper. He tries to sort out why they’re saying it. What is their emotional state as they’re talking to you? Are they trusting and forthcoming — or guarded and defensive? Sure, the words that they use are important, but they’re often only a small part of what is being communicated to you.
Do you listen to learn? The best ideas have a funny way of coming from the most unlikely sources. That’s why it’s so important to be open to learning from anyone that you talk to…
Tips on becoming a better listener is a challenge for me. I’m up for it. I sure am going to try to put my best foot ear forward.
Filed under: 4x4wknd, Family, Friends, Ideas, Leadership, Life, Listening, Perspective, Writing
